Sunday Humor

I can so relate to this:

The Worms Crawl In....

Being in triage is always an inspiration for blog stories. Just the sorry fact that these crazy fuckers are out among us is enough to take pause and thank your lucky stars that somehow you escaped lunacy for now.

A nice looking 20's something female comes into my room with epigastric pain for months but today is feeling something moving around, that something being what she thinks is worms.

I ask her if she's vomited, has rectal itching, weight loss, etc. Nicely she tells me that she has been reading on the internet about how worms can feel exactly like she's describing. She goes on to tell me that she also had googled about being tired and thinks that she might be diabetic and possibly has cancer in her bones because they hurt sometimes, too. She's tearful, says she is so worried.

I EMD'd her and sent her back. About 15 minutes later out she comes, sobbing because the doctor didn't believe her story and they wanted her to pay. Gasp, they wanted her pay!

An hour later Ms. Wormy returns. I see her checking in at the recept desk and she's holding a jar in her hand, showing it to the 8 month pregnant medic who is looking a little pale.

So, I walk out there and she spots me, showing me a jelly jar with a couple of earth worms in it and excitedly points to them and tells me, "Look what I vomited"!

Disclaimer: this is a different worm lady than the one I talked about a while back who brought the poop filled Coach purse in. Who knows, maybe they both saw this video on youtube:

Yack Yack Yack

So me and another nurse took a patient up to the floor the other day, something we don't normally do. Getting off the elevator, the nurses station was as quiet as a library. I yell out to the 5 nurses sitting there in silence, hey, can y'all help us get this guy into the bed? Out of the corner of my eye I see a stop light thing that goes from green to yellow. Like, wtf?

Anyway, in order to increase their patient satisfaction scores, all the nursing floors installed these things called a Yacker Tracker that monitors noise level. So some management hack decided to pay over $100 each for these things to keep the nurses station noise down?

I can just see one of those things in the ER. The siren on it would be going off non-stop.

Talk about a huge management bull crap idea. While up there, the unit secretary was still paging on some room intercom for different nurses to go to such and such room, which seemed much more annoying than a few nurses talking in the nurses station.

Makes a person want to yell fuck you all, grab a couple of beers and slide down an airplane chute!

Random

So I was in triage the other day and checked in this really good looking guy with knee pain, he'd hurt it playing basketball. I'm looking at his info and realize he's only 16 and by himself. So, I tell him he'll need to have his mother or another adult to be seen. He said his mom is coming and he goes back to the waiting room. A little bit later I hear incessant honking coming from the drive-thru and get up to see what's going on. This lady had pulled up right to the sliding glass doors within an inch, talking on her cell phone and honking like hell. I was confused, because nothing seemed wrong until I saw my knee kid talking to her at the car window. She's gesturing and yelling, so security goes out there where she rips him a new one, saying she'll come back after sonny boy is seen because she doesn't have the time right now. After explaining to her the deal, she proceeds to back her car up, narrowly missing a few kids who were walking around the car. She peels rubber and parks in a handicapped spot and comes into triage, demanding sonny be seen ASAP. I felt bad for the kid, he was sweet and cute and probably embarrassed by his bitch of a mother. Need I tell you how all that worked out?

Crazy dude comes in via EMS, had been found pretending he was The Hulk at McDonald's. We throw him in the rubber room where he proceeds to rip the locked door right off it's hinges. Ketamine 400mg IV later (yes, you read that right), he's out for 10 minutes, wakes up and gets himself out of 4 point leathers and picks up a 6 foot tall medic, bites his hand and throws him up against the counter bent over backwards. Said medic is now out on medical leave. After tackling him down with the po-po, he gets tubed, propofoled and sent packing to the ICU. I heard those beatches had reduced his propofol to do a neuro check and he woke up, ripped everything out and ran out of the ICU. Good times.

A young guy came in, found non-responsive in a parking lot. No ID on him, Temp was 107.3. We cool him off and CT him, drug screen negative and ship him up to the ICU. He woke up the next day gave them his name and his mothers phone number. Seems that he lives in a locked down psych ALF that he had escaped from. His mother says he lives there because he has an alter personality named Ed, and Ed is a serial killer. Nice.

And now, a song from our sponsor. A little Pink Floyd to identify with:

The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.
And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

Prying Eyes

This blog is going private. If you want to continue to read here, please email me at Rachedynurse@gmail.com with your email addy and I'll add you. I'm sorry, guys.

Nurse Bloggers

I have to thank Living Dead Nurse for this award. Thank you!

1. Thank the blogger that gave you the award.
2. Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, experience, using 10 words.
3. Pass the award on to 10 other blogs you feel have substance




My blogging philosophy is to just say what I'm feeling at that moment and thus put some perspective on it. That was more than 10 words.

Here are the top blogs I read every day.
Call Me Nurse
Guitar Girl, RN
Madness: Tales of An Emergency
Room Nurse
New Nurse In The Hood
Those Emergency Blues
NYCRN
Nurse Me
New Nurse Insanity
Life In the ER: a Nurses
Perspective
Dr. Grumpy

Creepy People

I was thinking over some of the weirder people I've had in the past year or so and here are some of the real winners:

19 year old female comes in with abdominal pain, worked up numerous times. She's laying in the bed with the covers up to her chin, you would have thought she was 12. She had this older man with her who looked like a rat, actually. He was all up in her shit, when asked when her last menstrual was, he responded with the date. Freak. While being discharged, he didn't leave the room for her to get dressed. Found out later he was her step-father. I mean, whose father, let alone their step-creep knows when their last menstrual was?

Older gentleman comes in with his wife and a couple of her girlfriends. He had been discharged earlier that day after having a foley removed, now has clots and bleeding coming out of his pee pee. I go in and he's standing there stark naked, saluting the flag in all it's glory while the wife and her girlfriends are all a clucking. Geezus, man. Okay, I see you had some weird-ass penile implant back in the 80's, but what's up with you and all these old ladies?

One creepy dude was sitting with his mother, who was maybe 55 and totally cognizant of the situation. She had to have a rectal and he didn't budge. Who wants to see their mother get a rectal exam? What is wrong with that mother? Where do these people come from?

Not to mention all these guys who refuse to step aside while their baby mama gets a ride in the stir-ups. Bro, please.

Oh, and the young guy who came in with his "wife who is a doctor" crying and moaning over the worst abdominal pain ever, ever, ever. A urinalysis revealed he had 3+ yeast, along with a few other yucky things. How many guys have you sent home with Cipro and Diflucan? Can you say ManGina?