For What It's Worth

So, I get a text message last week from one of my co-workers that stated “Guess who they are training for relief charge?” Uh, IDK? When she texts me back all I could do was respond with LMAO, HAHAHA!

I had been off a few days and when I came back it was the talk of the department. People were pulling me into the hall closet to tell me they were going to HR and calling corporate compliance and all sorts of foolishness. Some had already spruced up their resumes and sent them out. Me, I was annoyed at the choice but after a gazillion years in nursing not surprised at all.

They picked Nurse Nasal Whiny Voice, a nurse a total of maybe 3 years. I think they must have been smoking crack or something because this 'thing' is a silly little girl. She’s always out by the ambulances hanging with the boys, or sitting at the desk slamming a new orientee and basically just being a worthless co-worker. She’s complained about everything under the sun you can imagine and has called in sick more times than I have in 20 years. She's the first to know any gossip going around and let's you know it. WTF were they thinking?

Me and my friend Double D were sitting in the shit area in the back last weekend, which some think is punishment but we think it’s great. We have our own little desk and mostly get LOL’s from nursing homes and minor stuff. We chit-chat all day long while we work and basically it’s real smooth. Nobody ever comes back there, let alone any charge nurse to see how things are going.

Around the corner comes Whiny asking us with her new super management authority type voice if we’re doing okay and is there anything she can do for us? Well ya'll know I’m old and hard of hearing so I totally kept doing what I was doing and so did Double D who is also hard of hearing. When we didn’t respond, she looked at us and repeated herself in a much louder and whinier nasal voice. I looked up slowly and told her we were fine and carried on as if she had never walked by.

We found out later she went up to the real charge nurse and said we were sitting on patients, loud and whiny enough for half the nurses station to hear. Of course, half the nurses station came and told us. That was fun, it was good times.

More to be revealed, I'm sure.

Doctor Medic

I'm sure all ED's have one of these, the paramedic who thinks he is a doctor. Thinks he is the team leader in a critical situation because he works at the big house downtown and flies on the helicopter and shit.

Case in point: We get a full code from the jail, found down and non-responsive. Even thought the auto pulse is on, he's in ankle cuffs and one arm is cuffed. I walked in to help because my rooms were full of boring crap and I like to look at young, buff cop types. Yep, breaks up the day.

In comes the sweet doctor with 5 kids who looks 16. She's so way over the top cool, I could only hope to be her. Right away Dr. Medic starts telling her we gotta get this King tube out, we gotta get an EJ line going, directs a younger less experienced nurse to pull up some Epi (given 1 min prior while unloading) and generally just turns the room into chaos. I left the room to sit at the desk and watch the very fine behinds of the cops at this point.

Dude ending up being a huge head bleed and the king tube was the least of his problems.

Another day, family pulls up to triage with a lady in the car who they say isn't breathing right. Um, no she is in full arrest. We pull her out, toss her onto a stretcher and tube her right there. CPR continues off and on for a while, getting a pulse back at times. Super Dr. Medic keeps checking in the room to see if I have my drips maxed out. Ummhmm. Big Doctor B comes in and says lets just try some Vasopressin. Granted, the codes been off and on for 30 minutes. Whatever. It's almost time for me to leave and whatever gets me though to 7P with an alive patient is good for me. But oh no! Dr. Medic starts in with Big Dr. B on protocols and what the studies have shown on giving Vasopressin this late in the game. Oops, too late, I already had slammed it in. Big Dr. B is super passive-aggressive and just kept nodding at Dr. Medic. All was good, I left the place not having to deal with the princess on the night shift who wants it all wrapped up with a bow for her.

I wouldn't care all so much if Dr. Medic would just do the skut work once in a while. You know, like do an EKG for me, put the IV in and take the patient to CT on a monitor. It would also be nice if he'd shut his pie hole about how great he is and how many lives he saved being so wonderful and all.